


afraid of falling

by Woahsos



Category: Shadowhunters, the dark artifices
Genre: M/M, SPOILERS FOR QOAAD, i just miss them, idk read and find out i guess, probably angst, probably slow burn??, probably will remain unfinished for a while, this is a reunion fic i gues, uhhhh kissing??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 04:13:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17237198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woahsos/pseuds/Woahsos
Summary: "You didn't say goodbye.""I was hurt."Kit wasn't sure that going back to the Institute was such a good idea, especially if Ty was going to be there. They haven't seen each other or talked in four years since Kit left without a word. But he's going anyways.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here we go bois

 Kit was carefully balanced on one of the support beams of the basement ceiling in Devon. And despite knowing that there were mats underneath him to cushion his fall, fear clawed it’s way through his chest. His eyes were shut tightly and his arms outstretched on either side of him.

 _Come on Kit, you’re a shadowhunter. You can do this,_ he thought to himself.

”Kit?” Jem called, in his gentle, caring voice. He had taken on training Kit to be a proper shadowhunter, and had set up a small training room in the basement of their home in Devon. It was complete with targets, mats, weapon racks, and training dummies. And they got extremely lucky with the support beans in the ceiling for falling and jumping exercises, like what they were currently doing. 

Kit had no problem with fighting. He easily picked up throwing daggers and how to hold the different swords so they didn’t crash to the ground when he picked them up. He had even gotten pretty good with a whip. But this, this was something he could not do. He waited until he could no longer convince Jem to put it off.

Kit was absolutely terrified of falling or jumping from high places. He had never been afraid of heights and he knew that if he wanted to live as the shadowhunters did, he’d have to learn to do it. But his legs shook and his heart raced the instant he got up on the beam. They weren’t even doing anything fancy yet, like flips, he was just supposed to step off the beam. Jem had demonstrated multiple times with ease, proving to Kit that he would not break all of his bones.

”Kit?” Jem called again, “The only way down is to fall and Tessa would be very upset if you missed dinner.” 

Kit appreciated that he was trying to lighten the mood with jokes, but his mind kept racing. If he couldn’t even do this, was he really cut out for the shadowhunter life?

Yes. He had chosen this, known what he was getting himself in for. He would be brave and fall from this damned support beam if it killed him (which he hoped it wouldn’t). He wanted to embrace this life and he wanted to excel at his training and studies, for a reason he couldn’t really name. Or absolutely refused to name.

With one final, steadying breath, Kit opened his eyes and looked down at the mat where Jem was waiting. He would not give up now. He counted to three. And he stepped off. 

He couldn’t really remember the fall. He vaguely remembered the wind rushing through his ears and pulling his hair from his forehead. And then he was on the mat. He had crumpled to his knees the second his feet hit the mat, the adrenaline taking all the strength from his legs.

He heard clapping from the other side of the room and turned to see Tessa standing in the doorway.

”Oh, well done!” She exclaimed, Jem going over to stand next to her and nodding in agreement.

“Falling is probably one of the scariest things you’ll have to do, if you’re not a madman like Will and Jace.” Jem laughed. Kit saw the affection in Jem’s face when he talked about his parabati. He told enough stories about Will that Kit felt like he knew him. And, although Jem said Kit reminded him of Will, he failed to see how he could possibly be related to someone like that.

Will had been charming, and brave. He never ran away from a fight, refused to take no for an answer. He had gotten someone as lovely as Tessa to fall in love with him.

And Kit was...well, Kit was Kit. Kit was awkward and quiet. They only thing all of the Herondales had seemed to have in common was their sharp tongue and wit. People would say their arrogance, as well, but Kit’s was an act. He didn’t feel charming or attractive. He had run away when the boy he loved had turned him down. Well, Ty hadn’t really said anything to Kit’s declaration of love. But Kit figured that spoke for itself. He hoped he would grow into the Herondale charm that people seemed to expect of him. 

“Do you have the energy for more or would you prefer to take a break?” Jem asked.

Kit nodded, “A break sounds great. More than great. Spectacular.” The adrenaline from the fall was wearing down and he began to feel exhausted. And he could really go for a sandwich right now, or any kind of food.

Tessa ushered them to the kitchen where had been preparing omelets for them. She thought that eggs were one of the best sources of protein, and Kit had absolutely no complaints. Her omelets were better than restaurant quality. 

They sat down at the table together and Kit had to restrain himself from scarfing the food down in two minutes flat. He occasionally tuned in to the conversations Jem and Tessa held about politics, both mundane and shadowhunter.

”Emma and Julian invited us to the Institute to celebrate New Years with them.” Tessa said. Kit nearly choked on his omelet. He hadn’t been back to the Institute since he left four years ago, nor had he spoken to anyone who lived in it.

Jem patted him on the back while Tessa looked at him with concern until he stopped coughing. He hadn’t really told them about what exactly happened between him and Ty. Tessa had guessed that he liked Ty, and that Ty had not liked him back. She had pet his hair and rubbed his back while he cried into her shoulder. Jem somewhat knew the situation from Tessa. But they didn’t know how bad it was. And he had tried pushing it to the back of his mind. Although that didn’t stop thoughts of Ty rushing to him when he couldn’t sleep at night, or the dreams.

He didn’t think he’d ever have to face Ty again, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to. The thought made him panic and sweat. He was pretty sure Ty hated him and he was positive he’d break down into humiliated tears if he had to look at Ty’s face again.

”I think we should go, if that’s alright with you Kit?” Jem said, tentatively. His hand was still hovering over Kit’s back.

This is the moment he could tell them. Tell them what happened and why going back to the Institute would be an absolutely awful idea. The worst idea. He could tell them everything and refuse to go, and they’d understand. They could leave him here while they went!

But of course, his thoughts were too mixed up and he never wanted to disappoint them so he said, “Yeah, sure.”

Because, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes. this is the first thing i’ve written in years pls be gentle. also please leave comments if u think i should continue and all that jazz, it’d mean a lot. also,,,don’t expect frequent updates. and please help me come up with a title


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's hope this doesn't suck bois

Kit stood at the edge of his bed staring at his half packed duffel bag. He should never have agreed to go back to the Institute. What if they all hated him? Ty had never really felt anything for him anyways and Kit just didn't know if he could face that. And Dru, oh God he had left Dru without a goodbye. He had even refused to get updates on the Blackthorns from Jem and Tessa; it was too painful.

But he couldn't really back out now. They were leaving tomorrow, and Jem and Tessa would worry if he suddenly didn't want to go. They would ask why and what was wrong and he just didn't think he could tell them. He wasn't really in the mood for another breakdown.

Kit was angry. He was angry at himself for agreeing to go and for being so scared to face Ty again. And he was angry at Ty, even though he had no right to be. Ty didn't like him, and that was fine. But he didn't have to act like he liked Kit either, just so Kit could get his hopes up for nothing. All those times that Ty had called him Watson had made his heart flutter. It had made him ridiculously happy. He had thought that Ty had wanted him around, had wanted him to go on those adventures because he genuinely liked Kit. But he just wanted someone to solve mysteries with and Kit happened to be there. Kit had held Ty and Ty had brushed Kit's hair off his face. He at least thought that meant that he was worth something to Ty. But he wasn’t and that made him so angry.

And he was angry at Ty for being so beautiful that he just couldn't stop thinking about him. No matter how hard he had tried, thoughts of Ty always seemed to come to him. When he couldn't sleep, he thought about the times that Ty had slept outside his door. When he went for walks and he would see small animals running around, he would remember Ty's love for animals, and he couldn't help but wish that Ty was there to list off random facts about the animals. In the training room, he had remembered seeing Ty fight and how Ty would give him tips sometimes. When him, Jem, and Tessa would take the baby out by the lake to feed the ducks, he remembered when he had told Ty that he loved him, and Ty had said nothing. That didn't stop Kit from imagining it differently, the way he would've wanted it. The version where Ty would admit that he loved Kit too and he would press his lips against Ty's soft ones. And Ty would tangle his slender fingers in Kit's hair and, and, and...

And nothing.

Because Ty hadn't said anything and they hadn't kissed and they never would and now Kit had to go face him again. He threw his duffel bag across the room. Sparks of white light followed in its wake. Kit tried controlling some of the weird Faerie magic he possessed, but when he was angry or upset, there was no telling what would happen. Another thing for him to stress out about. His eyes burned, his lips trembled, and soon he felt hot tears roll down his cheeks. He clamped his mouth shut, trying not to make any sounds that would alarm Jem or Tessa. Or worse, wake the baby. They didn't need two crying children in the house. But apparently he wasn't as quiet as he thought, cause he heard a timid knock at his bedroom door.

"Kit?" He heard Tessa's loving voice call out, and her sweet face peered around the door, "I heard a thud, are you- oh sweetie."

He looked up to meet her worried eyes, and he couldn't hold it in anymore. He held out his arms like a hurt child, and fell into her embrace. Loud sobs broke through his mouth, bouncing off the walls in his room. Too loud. His whole body trembled with the force of them. He could barely hear Tessa's soothing voice over his own crying. Tessa had become such a mother-figure to him, which he was forever grateful for. The soothing motions of her hands running through his hair and down his back eventually calmed him enough so only a few tears fell from his eyes and he only lightly sniffled from time to time.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to," She said, "Jem and I trust you more than enough to stay here by yourself."

They'd only be gone a few days. Obviously they'd bring Charlotte, the baby, with them. But Kit thought he would get awful lonely, and he wanted to see Dru. Even if didn't want to face Ty, he would suck it up for Dru. He missed her; they had only started getting to know each other when he left and he felt she deserved an explanation. He missed all the Blackthorns. He had missed playing with Tavvy and getting dad lectures from Julian. He had missed Mark's weirdness and even Emma's humor, though he would never admit that to her. And, as much as it hurt, he missed Ty. They would never be friends again, Kit knew that, but he still missed Ty. He had to go back to the Institute, at least this once.

"I'll go," He said, "I can handle it."

Tessa didn't say anything, she just continued to hold him and rub her hands through his hair. He heard Jem singing to Charlotte through the walls. Sometimes, when she was fussing, Jem would sing to her or play the violin, and she would calm down. Jem had once said that, even if she couldn't understand what they were saying or what a violin was, she could understand the music. The music was calming, it was happy, so she was happy. Kit had hoped that Jem would teach him about music and the violin, but he was always to nervous to ask. Sometimes at night, they would sit in the living room as a family and listen to Jem play. Kit admired the way he moved the bow across the strings, and how his pale fingers held the instrument. The music that Jem played at night was soothing and it never failed to clear Kit's mind. But during the day, Jem would play more upbeat tunes that Tessa and Kit would dance along to, holding Charlotte in between them. Those were the only times that Jem played with his eyes open, as if he couldn't bear not seeing his family happy and worry-free.

"Do you want any help packing?" Tessa asked softly.

Kit laughed a little. "No, thank you. Sorry for worrying you." He said.

She hummed softly and pet his hair once more before standing up. Tessa always knew when saying nothing was more comforting than saying something. She smiled at him before leaving the room, presumably to admire Jem and the baby.

Kit stared at the bag for a minute before sighing and going to pick it up. And then he stared at it some more. He really did not want to do this. Not only did he absolutely despise packing, but he also was dreading this particular trip. But he would do it, he had to do it. For Dru, he told himself. He was going for Dru, to give her an explanation and hopefully find a way to keep in touch with her.

For Dru.

\----

It was after dinner and Kit was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He felt tired, the exhaustion going down to his bones. His breakdown had worn him out and the packing had made him even more tired. He was feeling spacey and distracted all throughout dinner. Jem and Tessa would occasionally send him worried glances, but he would always reassure them with a smile. Not that it was very convincing. 

No matter how tired he was, he couldn't sleep. Anxiety was completely taking over, making it impossible to turn his brain off. There were so many ways that tomorrow could go wrong. What if Ty yelled at him? Made rude comments? Ignored him? That would hurt the worst of all. Kit couldn't handle being ignored, or pretending like things hadn't happened. Especially with someone like Ty. He was sure Ty wasn't as worried about this encounter as Kit was. If they had even told Ty. Oh God, what if they hadn't and he scared Ty?

Kit tried being rational, tried using the logical side of his brain. He was catastrophizing. Ty didn't hate him. Or, even if he did, he had Dru. Surely, if he explained what happened to Dru, she would understand and forgive him. Right?

Kit wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and cry and punch things until it went away. Specifically, he wanted to punch Ty for causing him so much pain. No matter how many times he tried to reassure himself, anxiety kept taking over. He got out of bed to get a glass of water before this could turn into a full-blown anxiety attack. It had been four years. Why did his heart still hurt when he thought about Ty? About his beautiful eyes and the way they lit up when he talked about something he loved? Or the way his hands held and flipped the pages of his Sherlock Holmes books? And his smile, the smile that unexpectedly broke out across his face when he was truly happy? Why couldn't he get over Ty?

After he finished his water, he ventured back to his room and flopped down on his bed. Moonlight streamed in through his window, casting a pale glow over everything. Kit knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anytime soon, so he did what he did best. He fantasized. 

Sometimes they were fantasies about himself, becoming a hero like Jace, or playing music like Jem. He would imagine the tales he would tell the younger shadowhunters, about his incredible battles. They would admire him and ask questions. He would be talked about and remembered. Other times, he would imagine that he was the one playing violin for the family, after Jem had taught him. Tessa would exclaim how proud she was while Jem offered constructive criticism, never unkind. Charlotte would clap and ask him to play again. She would babble about how cool her older brother was.

But tonight, he fantasized about Ty. He knew this wouldn't help him get over Ty, but he couldn't help it and right now, he didn't care. He imagined Ty was lying next to him in this bed, his pale face illuminated by the soft moonlight. They would be on their sides, staring at each other. Kit would run his fingers lightly across Ty's face. Across the sharp cut of his cheekbone, down his nose, around his lips, and across his jawline, all while Ty held his hips, the warmth of his hands seeping through Kit's clothes. Kit longed for nothing more than to be held by Ty.

He ran through his other fantasies of Ty that he had constructed. Running along the beach with Ty, babysitting Charlotte with Ty, fighting alongside Ty. Cuddling and watching movies with Ty. Sometimes he had dreams of Ty with golden wings. There would be nothing going on, everything would be normal. But Ty would have the most beautiful wings spread out on either side of him. He truly was an angel. Kit had seen really seen an angel in the flesh.

With soft thoughts of Ty running through his mind, Kit fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was a whole lot of word vomit. kit is a v dramatic angry boi,,,i love it. i was listening to new kids on the block during that and i feel like i should work that in here somehow. i want to explore more of kits faerie magic in the future so lemme know if you think i should do that. also the gold wings symbolize nothing i just think that's a cool image.  
> please leave comments and kudos telling me what you think and all that jazz, i really appreciate it.  
> also follow me on tumblr for all my other fandoms if you want @pey-peyy (i was in middle school pls dont judge me ok??)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kit finally goes to the institute,,,but remember that this is tagged as slow burn ;)

It was noon, December 30th. Kit was standing on the front porch with Charlotte in his arms. Today was the day, he was going back to the Institute. After four years. What a mistake.

Jem and Tessa joined them out front with their luggage. They hadn’t packed much, only a few bags with some clothes since they would only be staying until the 2nd of January. To Kit, that seemed like ages away.

”Are we ready?” Jem asked, as Tessa took Charlotte into her arms. They figured it’d be safest for her to hold the baby while going through the portal since she’d be the one making it.

Kit’s knees were shaking and he felt faint. He wiped his clammy hands on his jeans and tried taking deep breaths. He was going back to the Institute. To see people he had not communicated with for four years. And he was going to have to face Ty.

_I wish I had never known you._

Those words raced around in his head on loop. He would never forget the look on Ty’s face when he said that for as long as he lived. He couldn’t believe he had said such cruel things to Ty. It was the heat of the moment and his humiliation that possessed him to say it. Ty didn’t deserve to hear that. Even if he hadn’t cared about Kit, he didn’t deserve such horrible things to be said to him. And now Kit had to go face him. He was absolutely not ready to go back.

But he nodded his head anyways.

He didn’t look as Tessa created the portal. Didn’t look as Jem stepped through. Kit only looked at the portal when he was standing right in front of it. Much like when he was falling from the support beam, he took a deep breath, counted to three, and stepped through.

He had traveling through portals, and it never got any easier. The feeling of falling with nothing to grasp and the wind rushing violently around him made uncomfortable. It made him want to crawl out of his own skin. But it only lasted a few seconds.

He was standing in the kitchen of the Institute.

He looked around as Jem went to hug Emma, and Julian instantly cooed over Charlotte. He felt a light tap on his shoulder and turned to see Dru.

Dru was not 13 anymore. God, why hadn’t he realized that the kids would grow with him? Dru was 17 now. She was slightly taller and her face had sharpened a bit. She still had her natural curves, but they didn’t make her any less beautiful. And her style hadn’t changed much. She was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a black hoodie.

Kit realized he had been staring and pulled her into a tight hug. He felt a slight wetness on his shoulder; Dru was crying. Because of him. He held on to her tighter and closed his eyes. He hadn’t thought about how much he’d miss Dru when he left, or how much it’d hurt her.

They pulled back and Dru punched him in the shoulder, and not very lightly.

”You asshole,” she said, punching him again, “How could you just leave like that and not tell us?” Her voice sounded choked and Kit felt like the biggest loser in the world.

”I know. I’m so sorry and I promise I’ll explain everything to you later.” He said as she wiped away a few stray tears.

He looked around the kitchen, notching that it hadn’t changed much. He spotted an adolescent boy standing awkwardly by the fridge with his arms crossed. The boy just have been about 11. Tavvy. Kit went over and hugged him too. Tavvy had been quite young when Kit left, only being 7, but Kit missed him nonetheless.

They exchanged a few brief, awkward words and another hug. They didn’t have much to talk about right now. Then Emma and Julian came over. Emma with tears in her eyes and Julian with a slightly angry dad look. They chastised him for leaving without a goodbye, saying that they had worried so much when he didn’t reach out or return their calls. They had gotten all their updates on him from Jem. 

He looked around the kitchen for another familiar face, but couldn’t find it.

”Ty doesn’t get back from the scholomance until tomorrow.” Dru said from beside him.

”He went to the scholomance?” Kit asked, startled. Dru nodded at him with a slightly sad look in her eyes. He would know that if he had bothered to stay in touch. 

Mark came into the kitchen after while and hugged Kit as well. They talked briefly before Kit picked up his bag and asked where he’d be sleeping. Dru offered to usher him to his room “just in case he forgot his way after so many years.”

As they walked down the hallways, he took in the Institute. It was so familiar to him, and he felt at home here. They really hadn’t bothered to change much. When they finally stopped, Kit realized that they were in front of his old room that he had stayed in when he first came to the Institute. The same room that Ty had waited outside of, so that Kit could be the Watson to his Holmes. 

He pushed his way in and set his bag down on the bed. They hadn’t changed anything about his room either. His room. He hadn’t been here for four years and yet he still claimed this as his room. Dru stood by the door while he took everything in before she came and sat on the edge of his bed.

”Start talking.” She demanded, “You better have a good reason for disappearing like that.”

Oh boy, did he ever. He sat down next to her and told her. He told her about their plans to raise Livvy, and why he couldn’t stop Ty. About how he had confessed his feelings to Ty, and Ty had said nothing. That Ty hadn’t really cared about him, and he had told Ty he wished he had never known him. It was too painful to stay at the Institute, and to say goodbye to all of them. He was crying by the end of it and so was Dru.

”I missed you every day,” he said through his tears, “I had to come back if only to give you an explanation. I’m so sorry.”

Dru sat for a second, taking everything in, before she pulled him into another hug. She held on tight, whispering about how stupid he was and how she forgave him. She had missed him too and she had so much to tell him, and he needed to tell everything about his training. Kit moved his bag to the floor so they could both sit against the headboard. And they talked for hours about everything they had missed.

Dru told him about how she still communicated with Jaimie sometimes, and she was making new friends as well. Her studies and training with Diana were going well. She said that Diana was with Gwyn currently, but was going to stop by to see Kit eventually. 

Kit told her about how well Jem was training him, and how he was aceing all of his studies. Dru joked about how he was a Herondale, of course he would be doing well. He told her all about Charlotte and his adventures as a big brother.

They avoided talking about Ty. 

Eventually, Emma came in and informed them that it was time for dinner. They made their way down to the kitchen with their arms linked. Kit felt lighter than he had in a long time, now that the guilt of leaving was past him, mostly. He was glad to have Dru back in his life and was happy that she was doing well. They took their places at the table and laughed with everyone else. Everything felt perfect to Kit, he felt good about coming back.

Until Julian said, “Ty’s coming back tomorrow, Kit. I bet he’ll be really happy to see you.”

Kit almost choked, and Dru tensed beside him.

”Um yeah. Yeah, I’ll be glad to see him too.” Kit stuttered out, avoiding eye contact with everyone. He could feel Jem, Tessa and Dru’s eyes on him but he did his best to ignore them. He would have to act like him and Ty were still friends around everyone. 

Tavvy began talking about how well Ty was doing at the scholomance, and how he wanted to be just like his older brother when he was older. Kit smiled and nodded along, but he wasn’t really listening. He had almost forgotten about Ty for a second. How awful was that? He was so caught up in his own happiness that he forgot Ty was apart of this family too, and that he would be coming back. And now that was all he could think about.

Kit quickly excused himself when everyone was finished, claiming that the portal had drained him of his energy and he wanted to go take a quick nap. He rushed to his room, hoping that nobody would follow him. He quickly locked his door behind him upon reaching his room and climbed onto the bed. Sitting back against the headboard, like him and Dru had done earlier, he hugged his knees to his chest and tried to calm his breathing. He could not have another breakdown already. The logical side of his brain was trying to convince him that he’d be fine. Ty would be perfectly civil around him, and this wouldn’t feel as long as he anticipated it would. 

He was able to slow his racing heart enough that he could stand to get in the shower. Hot showers always helped clear his mind and calm him down. He thought about Dru, how he couldn’t wait to spend more time with her these next couple days. And he thought about Tavvy, how he couldn’t wait to catch up on what Tavvy’s new interests were and how his studies were going. And he thought about every possible thing that wasn’t Ty.

Afterwards, he slipped into his comfiest clothes and fell to the bed. If the portal hadn’t made him exhausted, his earlier anxiety surely had. He was easily able to drift into sleep, not thinking about tomorrow and what it would bring. Hopefully all good things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha yikes, this is kinda trash and I haven’t updated in a while, sorry. im not sure if Tessa can create portals but im gonna say she can cause it’s my story and i can do what i want lololol. ty comes back next chapter, haha, wonder what’s gonna happen.  
> please leave comments and kudos so i know you guys are enjoying this and if you have any suggestions  
> also follow my tumblr if you want @pey-peyy


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ty comes back. my bby, i missed him.

The sun shining in Kit's eyes woke him up the next morning. He had forgotten to close the blinds before he collapsed onto his bed. It was such a shame, too. He was having such a nice dream about him and Ty in Devon, babysitting Charlotte. Ty was being so cute and precious with her, and was laughing when she pulled Kit's hair. He would put Charlotte down for a nap and cuddle with Ty on the couch.

Ty

_Oh shit._

Ty was coming back today and Kit was absolutely unprepared. But how could he prepare for something like this? He had no idea what Ty would say to him, or if they had even told him that Kit would be there. All of Kit's previous anxieties came rushing back suddenly, making him sick to his stomach. His legs went numb and he didn't think he could make it out of bed without throwing up all over his sheets. He pulled the cover up over his eyes, hoping to disappear into the sheets. Maybe if he stayed in bed, he wouldn't have to go face Ty. Maybe he could magically transport himself back to Devon, or, better yet, before he had even told Ty that he loved him. Maybe-

There was a knock at his door, and Jem's soft voice called out, "Kit? Breakfast is ready, you should get out of bed soon."

Kit wanted to cry and scream. Jem sounded so concerned and he knows that he should've told Jem the truth before he had ever agreed to come here. Jem could've helped him. He could have helped Kit work out the situation and his feelings, supported him and given him advice. Kit felt so stupid. He had never had a parental figure that he could really turn to with these kinds of things. And now he did, but he just grew up unable to trust anyone, and the one time he did he got his heart broken. 

His silence must have been concerning because he heard the door creek open. He pulled down the sheet as Jem peered around the door. Surely he could see the unshed tears behind Kit's eyes. He instantly came and sat on the bed next to Kit, motioning for Kit to sit up with him. Jem placed a comforting hand on Kit's back and looked around the room a little before he spoke.

"It's not too late to ask Tessa to send you back. She'd do it, no questions asked, and we would tell the Blackthorns that you had gotten sick." Kit hated the sincerity in his voice and the concern in his eyes. If there was one thing that Kit Herondale absolutely refused to be, it was a coward. He was not going to hide at home just because some boy didn't like him back.

But Ty wasn't just some boy to Kit. He was the boy. The boy who had first made him feel welcome in an unfamiliar place. He was Kit's first real friend. The first person Kit had ever really trusted. He was Kit's first love. And Kit couldn't shake those feelings, even after four years. It didn't matter how much he tried to forget or distract himself, Ty was always at the back of his mind. He was always there, when Kit was training, studying, even babysitting Charlotte. Ty had become a part of Kit that he couldn't rid of. At first, Kit thought that was like his shadow, always following him around and darkening the things around him. But then he realized that Ty was a part of his heart. He wasn't a burden to Kit. The thought of Ty made Kit want to be a better shadowhunter. Whether it was to be like Ty or to eventually impress Ty was beyond him. But he made Kit want to be a better person. Ty was always so nice to everyone, people and animals. He always took other people's feelings into account and he couldn't understand why anyone would want to intentionally hurt another living soul. There was so much good in Ty that had balanced out the evil in Kit, and now that good was gone and he felt like a huge piece of his soul was missing. Everything good about Kit had come from Ty, but he had chosen to leave that good behind.

And now he had to face that good again without completely breaking down in front of everyone. He reminded himself that he was here for Dru, he had Dru by his side. And also that Jem was still waiting for his answer.

"No, I'll be okay. Thank you, though." He said, refusing to meet Jem's eyes. One look and Jem would be able to tell that he was definitely not okay, and Kit didn't want him to worry.

With one final pat on the back, Jem stood up and left. Now Kit had to do the same. He stood up and got dressed, trying not to think too much about what he should wear for Ty. This wasn't about Ty and it certainly wasn't for him. He looked in the mirror, making sure that he was decent enough, and went down to the kitchen. There was quite a bit of talking from behind the door. Kit opened it to see everyone standing clustered together, talking excitedly. He caught a peek of black hair through everyone's shoulders.

Oh shit. Oh no. No no no. It wasn't supposed to be happening this soon. He was supposed to have more time to prepare. But prepare for what? His knees locked and the back of his neck instantly broke out in a cold sweat. He was too hot and frozen in place and he couldn't really see anything. Everything was getting blurry and everyone's voices were blending together. He wanted to run back to his room and hide under the covers, but he couldn't because his feet felt too heavy and they wouldn't move  _why wouldn't they just move?_

"Kit?" He heard a clear, deep voice cut through the messy haze in his head. His eyes focused and there he was, standing right in front of him. Ty, looking taller and sharper and more handsome. Kit couldn't breathe. And Ty didn't say anything else, it was his turn to talk now. Oh God, what was he even supposed to say? 

"Ty. Uh, hey." He stuttered out. His voice sounded uneven and a little breathy. Everyone could probably hear it, especially Ty.

"I didn't know you were going to be here." Ty said, although he didn't look unhappy or confused. He was smiling. Kit couldn't tell if it was real, he refused to look at Ty's face because he knew his anxiety would over-analyze everything if he did. His throat already felt tight with tears.

"Yeah, Emma and Julian invited us." He said. Now his voice sounded choked and he could still feel Ty's gaze on him. Was this awkward to everyone else watching? Kit hoped not, he hoped nobody asked for an explanation from either of them, or asked why Kit sounded so weird and wouldn't look at Ty. Ty moved forward slightly with his arm outstretched, probably to hug Kit, but Kit took a slight step back and watched Ty's arm fall. He muttered an excuse about forgetting to wash his hands and booked it out of the kitchen, praying to God that nobody followed him. Actually praying, to a God he had never really given a second thought too but he hoped was there for Kit now.

Clearly God did not care about Kit, because he heard footsteps behind him. 

"Kit!" A voice called out and Jesus, it was him. Why had God forsaken Kit? "Wait up. Please."

That made Kit stop in his tracks, halfway to the bathroom. Ty sounded desperate and a little sad. Kit turned around, but still refused to look at Ty's face. He saw Ty's footsteps stop in front of him. There was a moment of silence, and Kit was certainly not about to fill it. He had nothing to say. All of the emotions came rushing back to him now. Sadness, anger, humiliation. His chest ached where his heart was. Ty was so close but Kit had never felt more far away.

"You didn't say goodbye." Ty said, and Kit couldn't tell how he felt. He used to be able to read Ty so easily, but now? Now he had no idea what Ty was feeling. And Kit still didn't know how to respond. Luckily, Ty spoke again, "You never said goodbye and now you won't look at me. Are you mad at me?" Now Ty sounded genuinely confused and upset, but Kit still didn't look at him. He had to tell Ty the truth. He couldn't lie, Ty would be able to see right through it and he would never let Kit off the hook until he knew the truth.

Kit took in a shaky breath and said, "No. No, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself." When he didn't get a reply, cause what would Ty even say to that, he finally looked up. Ty looked confused and he looked absolutely beautiful. His cheekbones were sharper, his jawline sharper, and his eyes were just as lively as they had been four years ago. But his eyebrows were drawn together in confusion and his mouth was turned down into a frown. Kit didn't like that at all. "Four years ago, at Lake Lynn, I told you I loved you," Ty's eyes widened, "And you didn't say it back. And then you told Livvy that nothing mattered without her. I didn't matter to you, I never had. That was pretty obvious. And then I told you that I wished I had never known you, which is so far from the truth and I'm sorry that I said it. I was humiliated and angry. You were the first person I trusted and I spilled my heart out to you, and you don't feel the same way, which is totally fine. I just shouldn't have come back until I was over you and was better prepared to face you."

Ty was quiet for a second before he said, "That doesn't explain why you didn't say goodbye."

Kit looked up at him incredulously. After all that, Ty really didn't understand. He just told Ty that he was humiliated, and Ty couldn't see why he didn't want to face him again?

"Because I was hurt." He said finally, "And seeing you again, saying goodbye would have hurt worse. I was already humiliated and I needed to get away. I know it was shitty and immature, but I was fifteen and dealing with my first heartbreak."

"You didn't call or write." Said Ty, and now he wasn't meeting Kit's stare. His eyes looked glassy and Kit wondered if this had really hurt him. He didn't know what to say; he'd just be repeating himself if he explained why he didn't try to contact Ty, or anyone.

So he tried changing the subject, "Dru told me you're at the scholomance now. How is it?"

But Ty wasn't having any of that. He looked angry now, "You really think I don't care about you?" Kit was shaken. He had seen Ty angry before, but never at him, and this wasn't really the reaction he had been expecting. Ty was looking at a spot on the wall over Kit's shoulder, and his hands were constantly clenching and unclenching.

"You said that nothing mattered without Livvy." He said quietly. He didn't want to upset Ty any further, and he didn't know how he would handle if Ty had an attack right now. Ty wasn't wearing his headphones and he couldn't just hold onto Ty like he had on the roof. When he looked at Ty's face again, he saw that a tear had slipped down his cheek. He wanted nothing more than to wipe it away.

"That doesn't mean...I was overwhelmed, Kit. I had just seen my twin's ghost, what did you want me to say?" His voice sounded strangled and Kit felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

"I don't know. I shouldn't have come, I'm sorry." He meant to walk away, but Ty grabbed his arm before his foot could even leave the ground. He waited patiently for Ty to speak. He could see him taking deep breaths, clearly figuring out what he wanted to say.

Finally, he said, "I haven't stopped thinking about you. It hurt, when you left. And then everyone else seemed to forget that you were ever here, they all seemed to move on just fine. But I didn't. You were my best friend,besides Livvy, and then you just left without a word. I couldn't stop thinking about you and if I had done something to upset you. I thought going to the scholomance would help but it didn't because everything there reminds me of you. I do care about you, I always have. I don't know how you couldn't see it."

When he was sure that Ty was done, he said, "I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I don't know if I can deal with us being friends again. I love you too much to just be around you that way, and I need to move on." It hurt him. It physically hurt him to say that since all he wanted was to be close to Ty and to hang out with him.

"I don't want to be friends again." Said Ty, still not looking at Kit, and ouch. Even if he already knew it, that didn't mean he wanted to hear Ty say it. He nodded his head, gently prying his arm from Ty's grip so he could take Tessa aside and ask him to open the portal and send him home. There was no way he'd be able to sit through these next few days with Ty around, even if he did have Dru to distract him. He was fully ready to head back to the kitchen, until Ty just gripped his arm tighter. "I should have said it back at the lake, but I was too shocked," Jesus, was he really trying to break Kit's heart even more? "I love you too."

What?

Kit's brain completely shut down, and his legs almost gave out from under him. He didn't hear that right, couldn't have. It was way too good to be true, especially since Ty had just said that he didn't want to be friends again. But when he looked up at Ty's face, Ty was looking right back at him. He looked slightly nervous, but his eyes were serious.

"You're being serious?" Kit asked. For the thousandth time today, he felt tears prick at the back of his eyes. How dramatic.

"Yes." Ty said quietly. Not once did his voice or his gaze waver. He was serious. He loved Kit. Ty loved Kit. The boy that Kit had been dreaming of for four years loved him too. Kit placed his hands on Ty's arms, looking up and silently asking for permission. When Ty nodded his head, it was game over for Kit. He pulled Ty into the biggest hug he was capable of giving, hoping that every emotion was conveyed through it. All of his regret and sorrow, and all of his love for Ty. Ty hugged him back with just as much intensity, and he felt a few stray tears slip on to his shoulder. The second Blackthorn he got to cry while hugging him. Maybe he could get Julian to crack next.

"We have a lot of catching up to do." Kit laughed through his own tears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw my babies. did this feel rushed to you guys? i really didn't want to drag out their reunion and talk for like a thousand chapters, i don't have that angst in me just yet. please let me know what you thought of this chapter. the next chapter will probably be them catching up and fluff and all that, then an epilogue!   
> please leave comments telling me what you thought and kudos so i know you're enjoying this.  
> also follow my tumblr if you want @pey-peyy


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is probably gonna be lots of fluff aka the good kush

They sat across from each other at breakfast, after Julian had finally come out into the hallway to check on them. They were constantly shooting small glances to each other across the table, while Dru, Jem, and Tessa, looked at Kit with concern and wariness. Dru had taken to sitting at his right, and had forced Tavvy to sit on his left, just in case something bad had happened between him and Ty. 

The table was filled with lively chatter. Emma and Julian asked questions about Kit's training and studies, and he would blush fiercely whenever Jem took over to talk about how well was doing, and how was already on his way to becoming a great shadowhunter. Dru asked about Charlotte, and then it was Tessa's turn to brag about what a great big brother Kit was. He was constantly helping out around the house and offering to babysit for Charlotte so her and Jem could have a break. Currently, Mark was sitting next to Charlotte, feeding her. She was in awe of his two different-colored eyes, and was also constantly pulling at his hair. Mark didn't seem to mind though; she would laugh at whatever face Mark made and he would get the biggest grin on his face.

Jem and Tessa asked Ty about the scholomance. Kit tried to listen to Ty's answer, he really did, but he got distracted by how beautiful and lively Ty looked when talking about it. He became animated and passionate. There was the biggest, most genuine smile on Ty's face the whole time he talked about his adventures and the friends he had made. Kit wouldn't admit that the thought of Ty with new friends made him a little jealous. Not only because he missed being one of Ty's closest friends, but also because Kit didn't have many of his own friends. Being in the house at Devon, there weren't really chances for him to meet any other shadowhunters. He hadn't taken his travel year when he turned eighteen since he was so far behind in his training. Jem told him he could do when he turned twenty, since he should be mostly caught up by then. 

He was thrown out of his thoughts when he felt Dru kick his shin under the table, and he realized that Ty had spoken to him.

"Uh, what? Sorry, I got lost in thought." Kit said. _Real smooth. Way to impress Ty on your first day back_ he thought.

"I said, do you want to go for a walk? You must not have been on a beach in a while." Ty replied, with a little lopsided grin. _Honestly, how dare he be so cute_.

Kit nodded and they both stood up from the table. Dru shot him a worried glance, but he smiled reassuringly at her. Things were okay, they had gotten most things cleared up, and he didn't feel like throwing up at the thought of being alone with Ty.

Well, not really, anyways.

They didn't talk until they had reached the beach and were walking along the water. They had taken off their shoes and socks before going; Kit had forgotten how nice the warm sand between his toes had felt, and his heart felt full with the sense that he was home. This was his home. No matter how welcoming Devon, how nice the home was, how good Jem and Tessa were to him,nothing could ever replace Los Angeles. He grew up here, and he held so many memories from his childhood here. Even if they weren't all great memories, it was a part of him. Kit hadn't realized how much he had missed the city until now, and the thought of having to leave it again sent a pang through his heart.

Ty grabbed his hand, bringing him back to the present moment and shocking him. Kit looked down at their intertwined hands. There wasn't much sun in Devon, so Kit was just as pale as Ty now, if not slightly lighter. Kit's hands were scarred and calloused too, now, but Ty's hands seemed to have more marks. They looked rough, but were totally soft in Kit's hand. He felt Ty's gaze on him and looked up. Ty only stared at his eyes for a few seconds before moving to look at a spot just below his chin. They had stopped walking. They were standing hand-in-hand on the beach, by the water. Him and Ty.

Oh my God.

"I'm sorry." Said Ty, suddenly. The words took a moment to register in Kit's head, and he was utterly shocked and confused when they did.

"For what?" He asked softly. Ty looked trouble, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but couldn't seem to find the words.

"For not telling you sooner." He said finally, "And for not reaching out. I was overwhelmed at the time, and then I thought you were mad at me. I didn't really know what to do. And it's not true, that I don't have anything without Livvy. I have the rest of my family and you. I've always had you and I've always needed you. You were my..." He trailed off.

"The Watson to your Sherlock?" Kit suggested through his own tears. Ty looked up at him, shocked for only a second before the biggest grin broke out across his face, like he couldn't help it. Kit loved that, when Ty smiled like there was nothing else he could do because he didn't really like hiding his feelings. They were always so genuine and it made Kit feel like he would explode from all the love in his heart. And standing here, with the water and sun to Ty's back, illuminating him and making him look like he was a prince of the sea, Kit couldn't help but grin too.

"I love you." Ty said, still smiling, and Kit felt like he could cry again. He didn't know how he had this much water in his body.

"I love you too." He replied, squeezing Ty's hand. "Tell me about the scholomance." He said, and they began walking again.

Ty told him all about it. He was the top of the class, although, there was one girl who kept trying to take it from him. He felt kind of bad, because she was always studying really hard and getting good grades and doing extra training, but it just wasn't enough to get the top spot. Especially since Ty never wavered from his immaculate grades. He was friends with his roommate, but they weren't as close as him, Kit, and Livvy had been. He was nice to him, though, and understood that Ty took in the world more intensely than other people. And some of his roommates friends talked to him as well, but he never really went out of his way to hang out with them. Nobody there knew who Sherlock Holmes was, which was slightly upsetting. They didn't take in mundane media like him and his siblings had. His roommate would watch movies or listen to music with him sometimes.

They had gotten all new teachers at the scholomance, which Ty was grateful for. They were all nice to him. Sometimes there were kids who didn't really understand Ty and would whisper names when he walked by, but he ignored them.

"You taught me that." Said Ty.

"Taught you what?" Kit asked. He had not stopped smiling through Ty's whole rant. He loved seeing Ty so happy about something that he had dreamed of.

"To ignore them, ignore the people who don't understand me and refuse to know. I have people who do care and understand, and you taught me that there's nothing wrong with the way I am." Ty smiled fondly over at Kit, squeezing his hand again.

"Because there isn't anything wrong with you." Kit immediately replied. Ty laughed a little before stopping them again. He looked at Kit, all over. Noticing how he had gotten taller, but still remained shorter than Ty. He had put on some lean muscle, and Ty could see some of the veins in his forearms. His hands were scarred and rough. A shadowhunters hands. His golden, lit up like fire by the sunlight, had become slightly shaggy and wavy. But his face was still familiar, it still comforted Ty.

"Can I kiss you?" Ty asked. He looked slightly nervous, and then shocked that he had even asked. He opened his mouth again, probably to apologize, but Kit spoke before he could.

"Please." Was all he whispered. Ty leaned forward and suddenly their lips were touching and moving against each other. Warmth bloomed from inside Kit's chest and spread throughout his whole body. His fingertips burned where they touched Ty's, before Ty moved his hands to Kit's hips and then Kit felt like he was on fire all over. He moved his hands to Ty's neck, one gliding over to cup his cheek while the other ran through the hair at the back of Ty's head. Blood was rushing in his ears, and he couldn't hear the sound of the ocean or the street beside them anymore. It was all Ty. Everything surrounding Kit was Ty and he didn't want to let go. He wanted to hold on to this moment and this feeling forever. Ty's lips were warm and soft, and when he pulled back, Kit could still feel them buzzing against his own. He slowly opened his eyes to see Ty looking back at him nervously.

"Was that okay?" Ty asked, "That was the first time I've ever done anything like that.

Kit reached up to touch his lips where he could still feel Ty's and said, "It was perfect." 

Ty looked ecstatic. His grips on Kits hips and he pulled Kit to him, hugging him like they'd never get the chance to do it again. Kit slumped against Ty, feeling like he had after he had fallen off the support beam. The adrenaline of kissing Ty was slowly starting to dwindle down, leaving him tired and sluggish. But Ty kissed the top of his head and his whole body lit up again.

It was dark when they headed back to the Institute, still holding hands. Everyone was sitting in the library, where they had moved a TV to watch the New Years Eve special. Dru spotted them first when they walked in. She saw their hands clasped together and gasped a little. Everyone turned to see what she was looking at, and their eyes widened a little when they saw Kit and Ty holding hands.

It was silent for a minute until Emma said, "Finally." Julian wacked her in the arm and Dru laughed a little, still looking slightly shocked.

Mark came up to them first, and Kit worried that he was going to get the stern "treat my brother right" talk, but Mark just pulled Ty into a hug. Kit couldn't hear what Mark was whispering, but he did catch the words 'proud' and 'love' a few times. Then, he moved on to hug Kit and soon everyone was coming up to the hug them. Julian was the last to hug Kit, and he had a very stern look in his eyes. Oh no.

"I know Ty is more than capable of handling himself, but, if you ever break his heart, I will not hesitate to hurt you." He said, placing a hand on Kit's shoulder. Kit could only nod in response; Julian had always slightly intimidated him. Julian just smiled and hugged him before moving to sit by Emma again. Kit and Ty took spots on the floor in front of the Tv, and they all watched as the different artists and bands performed. They would crack jokes and Tavvy would do bad impressions of the singers that made Charlotte laugh and clap.

They all stood up for the coutdown, and everyone shouted, "5...4...3...2...1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Julian pulled Emma into a deep kiss. Dru kissed Tavvy loudly on the cheek before he pushed her away and wiped it off with his sleeve. Jem and Tessa both kissed Charlotte on the cheek and then kissed each other. Kit and Ty leaned in and kissed each other sweetly.

"Happy New Year." Kit murmured against Ty's lips. Ty just smiled and pulled Kit back in for another kiss.

After that, they watched a few of the other states' New Years specials before Tavvy began to fall asleep on the couch and Charlotte started drooling on Jem's shoulder. One by one, they all moved to their bedrooms to sleep. Ty walked Kit to his room and stopped him just outside the door. He leaned in to kiss Kit again, and Kit fell back against the wall beside his door. He sighed into Ty's mouth, lazily resting his hands on the taller boys' shoulders. Ty's hands were warm where they rested on Kit's hips. He pulled back and rested his forehead against Kit's, eyes closed. But Kit's eyes were wide open, taking in every detail of Ty's face. He didn't want to forget anything about this moment, and he honestly didn't think he would be able to anyways. Ty slowly opened his eyes and smiled when he saw Kit looking at him.

"I don't want to go back to my own room." Ty whispered, moving his hands slightly up Kit's sides. Kit tried so hard to suppress his smile, but in the end he knew he'd never be able to hide his feelings around Ty.

"Maybe you could just sleep outside my room like you did when I first came." He joked and Ty laughed, his breath ghosting across Kit's face, turning his cheeks red.

"When do you go back?" Ty asked. Kit had practically forgotten that he would have to go back to Devon. He wasn't living in the Institute with the Blackthorns, with Ty, anymore. He had a new home and his own little family. He had his own new life. He had to remember to ask Dru for her phone number before he left.

"We leave on the second. So, tomorrow, technically." Kit said sadly, moving to take both of Ty's hands in his. He was obsessed with holding Ty's hands.

"I guess I'll just have to come visit you in Devon soon." Ty said. Kit looked up, trying to find if Ty was joking in any capacity. He wasn't.

"I'd like that." Kit said with a smile. With that, Ty kissed him one more time before walking to his own room. Kit took a few deep breaths before disappearing behind his own door. He wanted to squeal into his pillow, he was so happy. He changed into his pajamas and climbed under the covers. For the first time in a long while, he was easily able to drift into sleep.

He dreamed of Ty, but there was no lingering pain this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to first time he kissed a boy by kadie elder when i wrote this. there will be a special epilogue after this with a little special guest appearance ;)  
> please leave comments telling me what you thought of this chapter and kudos so i know you're enjoying it. those things do make my day and they motivate me to keep writing, so please leave them if you can.  
> also follow my tumblr if you want @pey-peyy


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue, with a special guest ;)

True to his word, Ty visited Kit in Devon. It was a night when Jem and Tessa went out for dinner, so Ty and Kit were left to babysit Charlotte. Kit was internally freaking out about how good Ty was with Charlotte. He was constantly playing with her, making her laugh, reading to her to help her fall asleep. He was so cute, Kit almost burned their microwave dinner because he was too busy admiring Ty.

Kit was holding Charlotte on the couch, watching TV when Ty came into the living room and sat next to Kit. 

"You're a really good big brother." He said, smiling when Charlotte grabbed onto his finger.

"You think so? I was a little nervous that she would hate me or I would drop her." Kit said. He bent down to kiss Charlotte's head and saw that Ty was looking at him, smiling. Kit smiled back before Ty leaned in to kiss him. It was slow, and Ty's lips were so soft, Kit thought that he was going to melt. Charlotte let out a small cry of protest since nobody was paying attention to her, grabbing on to Kit's hair. They broke apart, laughing, and Ty ran a hand softly over Charlotte's head. She hadn't grown much hair on the top of her head yet, but the small amount of hair she did have was so soft and Kit thought it smelled so nice.

"I should probably put her to bed." Kit said, standing up. Ty followed him into her room as Kit laid her in her crib. He gave her a small stuffed cat that she slept with and put her little blanket over her. Ty grabbed a book from the shelf full of children's books in her room and sat down in a chair by her crib. Kit sat on the floor in front of the chair and listened to Ty tell a story of a possum who kept trying to bring gifts to his mother but they would always get destroyed on the way home. But Kit was hardly paying attention to the story, just listening to Ty's smooth voice drift through the room. Kit felt like he was about to fall asleep when Ty closed the book.

"I'm going to go change clothes." Ty said when he stood up, bending down to give Kit a kiss on the head before leaving the room.

Kit stood up to make sure that Charlotte was asleep when he saw a figure standing by the crib. Kit could instantly tell that the figure was a ghost because of his slight transparency. He had black hair that curled slightly over his ears, and his clothes looked like they were from the 1800's. He was gazing down at Charlotte with such affection in his eyes; Kit knew he was a harmful ghost, but he was still curious.

"Who are you?" He asked. The figure looked up in surprise, before recognition flashed in his eyes and he flashed a charming smile.

"William Herondale. I'm sure you've heard of me. We are related after all." The man said. Kit's eyes widened in surprise. This is was _the_ Will Herondale. Tessa's first husband, Jem's parabati, the cursed Herondale who wasn't actually cursed. Kit had heard so much about him.

"Yeah, I'm Kit. Jem tells me about you all the time. You bit a vampire." Kit said. Will laughed at that with fondness in his eyes. Kit could see a bit of longing there too, probably for his former life and being with Jem and Tessa again. "Are you here all the time?" Kit asked.

"Yes, I have unfinished business with Jem and Tessa, and now this sweet child of theirs. I won't be able to pass until they all die, and Tessa's immortal so, I'm stuck here for now. Not that I mind, it's a beautiful house and I can look over my two favorite people." He made a sweeping gesture across the room. 

Kit heard the front door open and close, and the faint sound of voices drifting through the hallway. Will looked up too, clearly recognizing the voices of the two pieces of his heart. He looked hopeful, even though Kit knew that Jem and Tessa wouldn't be able to see them.

Jem stopped in front of Charlotte's door, looking confused. "Kit? Are you okay?" He asked.

Kit looked at Will, who nodded, and said, "Will's here."

"What do you mean?" Jem stepped into the room with a slight urgency to his voice. He probably thought that Kit was sick or having a hallucination.

"Will," He said again, "His ghost. He's here, he watches over the house." Will was looking at Jem with sadness in his eyes. Kit's heart hurt for him. How painful it must be to not be able to talk to your best friend, brother, parabati when you so badly want to. Jem was looking in Will's general direction with tears in his eyes. 

"Will? How does he look? Can he hear me?" Jem asked. His hand was slightly outstretched, as if he was going to reach out and touch Will, maybe grab his arm like he used.

Will turned to Kit and nodded, "Tell him I can hear him, and I miss him and Tessa so much. And tell him that I'm watching over Charlotte all the time, he doesn't have to worry so much."

Kit relayed the information to Jem. A few tears had begun to fall from Jem's eyes, but he made no move to wipe them away. He was still looking in Will's directions with a small smile on his face. Jem asked more questions and Kit answered them for Will. They both were smiling and laughing at old memories, before Jem said he really had to go to bed. Kit said his goodbye's as well, telling Will that he would talk to him later.

He walked into his room where Ty was already lying in bed, reading. Kit assumed it was Sherlock Holmes. He looked up when Kit shut the door, placing a bookmark in the book and setting it on the bedside table.

"What took so long?" Ty asked, scooting over so Kit had room. Kit climbed onto the bed and tucked himself into Ty's side. Ty pulled the blanket over them both and turned to face Kit.

"I was talking to a ghost." Kit said with a smile. Ty laughed and leaned in to peck Kit on the nose, and then moving to his lips. It was a chaste kiss, just a gentle press of lips on lips. Ty's hand came up to run through Kit's hair, and Kit sighed, sinking into the soft bed. He gazed up at Ty, who was gazing back at him. He flung his arm around Ty's side and closed his eyes. The comforting pattern of Ty's hand running through his hair put him to sleep almost instantly. He didn't dread going to sleep now. His dreams were peaceful images of him and Ty that didn't leave any heartache this time. Everything was so much better now that Ty was with him.

He wasn't afraid anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was rushed and pretty short but i really just wanted to write it. this is my first finished fanfic in a while and im pretty happy about it since it really sparked my love for writing again. thank you guys for reading this and all the love you'e given it.  
> give me kudos so i know if you liked it and leave comments if you have ideas for any other fics (it can be almost any ship from shadowhunters)  
> also follow my tumblr if you want @pey-peyy


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